so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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