I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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