that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
