Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
