If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
These tits shall not be calmed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
