This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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