dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
