So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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