I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
COCAINE IS GR8
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
