After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i out mim tonsoeep
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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