Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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