I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
