Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
