VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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