thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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