she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
