I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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