I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
