nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
