I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
