I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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