break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I skipped work to stalk him.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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