It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
