no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
