I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
