Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize