i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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