Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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