now i know why i became what i already was.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
