I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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