my mouth tastes like poor choices
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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