Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
