He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
