I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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