Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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