Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
