well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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