you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
