I can tuck mytits in my pants
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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