The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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