he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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