ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
