I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
