So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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