I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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