i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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