I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
