I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
