I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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