meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
