i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this boner is exhausting
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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