i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
