Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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