his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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