1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
