Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
