that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
