dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
