the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
