we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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