i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
