somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
ok first of all what the fuck
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
