someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
