I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
