btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
