it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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