you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
