This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
